Online affair anyone

Added: Matthieu Monreal - Date: 15.10.2021 23:48 - Views: 12788 - Clicks: 1038

Nothing is more devastating for many of my clients than discovering their partner has had an affair. One of my clients, a woman in her 30s, discovered her husband had an affair with a colleague when he was overseas attending a conference. She only found out when she went through his phone messages after he came back. There is a rather unforgiving attitude towards infidelity in Australia, which I believe is damaging and driving couples to divorce. Credit: Stocksy. The woman involved was also married and lived on the other side of the world.

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This was the first time he had cheated on his wife and he believed telling her would only have upset her. Another client is a man who has been with his wife for 22 years; they have two teenagers together. He hates his job, has to work long hours, his sex life with his wife is almost non-existent and he has been feeling depressed for quite a while. For quite a while now, he has been friendly with a woman at work. They sometimes go out for lunch and he feels he can talk about anything with her; he feels understood. He felt guilty even thinking about having an affair; his wife would probably divorce him if she found out and the children would be devastated.

There is a rather unforgiving attitude towards infidelity in Australia, which I believe is damaging and driving couples to divorce and causing children to suffer. Several European countries have more accepting attitudes and lower divorce rates.

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What has changed over the years is that many people now wait to marry or settle down until their late 20s or early 30s, and by then may have had already several relationships. Then couples marry or settle down and suddenly they are expected to never have sex with anyone else again! From my experience, not too many couples actually discuss this before they move in together or get married; they take fidelity as a given. Another change in the past decade is the way we are cheating — it has become easier than ever.

So we need to ask ourselves: what exactly is cheating?

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Flirting with a colleague at work? Having a massage with a happy ending?

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Having sex with your partner while fantasising about someone else? What about texting, sexting or sending naked pictures to friends who are not your partner? We have the internet now and can have steamy chat-room conversations with strangers and cybersex with anyone who is keen. I have several clients who are taking part in this. But some studies suggest that online affairs can trigger emotional infidelity and, when discovered, can also trigger feelings of anger, jealousy and insecurity in the other partner.

The reality is that staying faithful to one person in a relationship can be challenging. However, a large percentage of affairs are not just about sex. They enjoy the feeling of being wanted, needed and desired and are often looking more for an emotional connection than a sexual one. When people feel trapped in a routine, an affair can be an escape.

Romance may be missing.

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Many believe that women complain more often about lack of romance, but men feel it, too. One of the main reasons may be the fact that most people have unrealistic expectations about what a happy relationship looks like, and believe they should be enjoying the kind of sex we see in movies or porn.

Nowadays, some therapists believe there are times when an affair can rescue a marriage or relationship and even make it stronger. Starting to understand how an affair happened can provide clarity and give answers to the many questions a couple may feel are still unanswered. This is not about asing blame, but finding out where the roots of the infidelity started so they can make decisions on how their relationship can go forward. Couples therapist Esther Perel, the author of Mating in Captivitylectures around the world on the subjects of love and sex.

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She used to ask her audiences if anyone had ever experienced an affair and, not surprisingly, usually no hands went up. Perel believes we need to create a safe space for productive conversation, where experiences can be explored with compassion. InPerel presented the brilliant TED Talk, Rethinking Infidelityin which she examined the reasons people cheat and unpacked why affairs are so traumatic: they threaten our emotional security. Infidelity is usually about a whole lot more than sex. Can an affair save a marriage?

As a sex therapist, I believe so. Please try again later.

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The Sydney Morning Herald. By Matty Silver October 19, — Save Log inregister or subscribe to save articles for later. Normal text size Larger text size Very large text size. this article.

Online affair anyone

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