Ladies bavaria sex

Added: Talan Mcnelly - Date: 03.03.2022 01:48 - Views: 25178 - Clicks: 6526

Subject to CC 2. Not only do I love my stunningly beautiful, hyperintelligent wife, but I also love her country and all of the people in it. But the ladies?

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Same team! Oh god my eyessame team!

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You know how we Americans are literally the fattest gang of slobs on the planet? Well, the average German — man or woman — tends to be a whole hell of a lot thinner. One quick Google search will tell you Germany is climbing the global obesity charts at an alarming ratebut I am truly baffled by this information.

I mean, who are they asking? And how are they gathering their data? I mean, I really must question these statistics, because whenever I walk down the street — any street, in any major German city — all I see are hot chicks and pretty boys. Beautiful, middle-aged women and handsome older men.

Even the senior citizens are hot. And you know why? Because most people, given half a chance to achieve their healthiest target weight, look pretty goddamn good. That sucks.

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Also, you still get mad props — from me, at least — for not being yet another First World lard ass. And please, for the love of god, stay out of the little villages and towns sprinkled across Germany. Who exactly are the available women in these small towns? Hovel trolls and hyperfertile jailbait. Hovel trolls are women who were once young and beautiful, but were born and raised in a village — and for whatever reason — stayed there.

Country life is very hard on the looks, especially after 30 years of smoking, drinking and giving the local neck-tattooed parolee tug jobs behind the garden shed. As for hyperfertile jailbait, well, these are simply hovel trolls in the nymph stage of development; they have yet to molt, shed their soft-shelled exterior, and emerge as the hard, sunken-cheeked, toothless wonders found in every small town in every country across the globe.

Which is really just a Bavarian thing. Which, to assume German women are all walking around town in that stupid-albeit-sexy-as-hell costume every single day, is really like assuming we Americans are all wearing cowboy hats, driving monster trucks and sleeping with our cousins. Especially the United States. Oh yes, the young, urban, German woman is of singular beauty, like a gentle breeze of style, class and understated sex appeal. So let me be the first to say it — right here, right now: Once you go German, you never go vermin.

Yeah, I know, even Germany has its share of slack-jawed half-wits. But in my experience, these people are more likely to be found in the tiny villages I mentioned before, where they celebrate owls, groundhogs and other weird shit as an annual excuse to get white girl wasted.

Hell, most of them are straight up bilingual, which comes as a result of education, intelligence, or a combination of the two. You know what else is sexy? A well-traveled individual. Germans are known for being travel enthusiasts — during school and university, on vacation or for professional training after they enter the workforce, and later as retirees — they fly all over this spinning rock we call home. And in my experience, frequent and diverse travel absolutely obliterates ignorance.

It promotes learning, awareness, open-mindedness and strength of character. Seriously, I have yet to meet a stupid world traveler. So if you ever find yourself chatting it up with a German woman, ask if you can compare passports with her. Yours will probably have a couple of cute stamps in it. Hers will be more colorful than a gay pride parade. So where do you find these ladies?

Sure, you can go slumming in some random bar in the city and pick up a tequila hag. Godspeed, my friend.

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But if you find intelligence sexy — and I know I do — you might consider looking in places where the women are more likely to have gone on to university after achieving their Abitur. Its like our American high school diploma, only ridiculously more difficult to attain, and without it, German students literally cannot go directly to university after graduation.

Watching a German guy try to flirt is simply adorable; like a panda bear batting at a bamboo leaf. But flattery is a rare commodity over here — as are effective humor and blatant flirtation — all of which can be combined and harnessed to power your dating game like a goddamn nuclear reactor. You know what this does? It breeds a generation of entitled young people with astoundingly high self-confidence and absolutely no personal achievements to support it. And most of our young women believe they deserve to be millionaire celebrities with monster tits who fly to afternoon yoga on the backs of singing unicorns.

Perhaps a bit too sparingly at times. Now get back to work.

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Germany has a strong middle class, and the wealth gap between the rich and poor is nowhere near as broad as in the States. Go to Russia for that shit. Is that too much to ask? Jesus Christ. Use that to your advantage. Shock and awe, my friends. Germany, on the other hand, is a very old country. I mean, sure, the German Empire was formed in by the Prussians, but the geographical region known as Germania — and the people who inhabit it — have been around since the 2nd century BC.

Commence intercourse: tab A goes into slot B; withdraw; repeat; watch Tatort. So these days, young German women are growing up with a great deal of sexual maturity and far fewer hangups. Public displays of affection, casual nudity, interracial coupling and legalized prostitution are boring to them. And you know what this does?

Did you really think I was just going to praise German chicks all day long without taking at least one shot at them? Okay, so check it out: there are a lot — and I mean a lot — of young Germans running around this country with beaver-yellow teeth.

I think it has something to do with the amount of tea, coffee and cigarettes they consume. No cavities? No actual problems at all? Now, why the hell are you in my office? My wife, however, is an exception. Her smile is, quite honestly, stunning. But she takes care of her teeth, man. Like a hobby. Or an obsession. But there are definitely other white-toothed Germans over here — you just gotta look a little harder.

Or say fuck itstrap on a pair of industrial strength beer goggles and go home with that beautiful, butter-toothed daffodil. What happens next? Well, let me tell you what happens next: you fall in love with her. German women make the perfect spousesespecially for American men and women. Because we balance each other out. Trust me when I say your German wife will be fiscally conservative enough for both of you. But I still love you! So the added fiscal conservatism is great, but what about politics?

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Oh, one note on healthcare: we Americans are way overmedicated. I know I am! When we catch a cold, we NyQuil ourselves into a coma. And if we get hurt badly enough to feel even a little bit of pain? Like from barking our shins against the sofa? Your German wife, however, will be content to treat Lyme disease with honey and a few cups of chamomile tea. See, your German wife will want to fill the room with fresh air — even during winter, when your jolly bits are shriveled up like raisins — but also during summer, when the mosquitoes are pouring directly into your bedroom and eating you both alive.

German chicks are awesome. When compared to the rest of us poo-flinging chimps, the mighty female primates of Germany score a record-setting 5 out of 5 Merkel Diamonds :. Way to go, ladies! Now, I know many of you will disagree with this evaluation — most of all the German women themselves and their former American lovers — but I politely invite all my readers to spew bile across my comments section like a fat kid on a roller coaster. Thank you for reading and have an awesome day! And for some reason a little fan on any German and they will look at you like you are trying to kill them.

I am ruthless about that and laugh about how Americans live in drafts at least this old boy did. Sticking out my neck for the guillotine. So the phrase Gay Marriage I find unacceptable. I think I am old school their.

We both could learn a lot from each other. Like Like. I respect you for that, SonWon, because things are about to get ugly. I always wonder how Germans stay so thin with all the sausages, beer and pastries! Bruh, we Germans work all day! You should know that, it is a widespread stereotype, that counts for most of us. I do not think I have ever read something more stupid than this crap and I used to really like this entertaining blog once….

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Like Liked by 2 people. Like Liked by 1 person. We hover closer to complete annihilation in the old US of A. Perhaps a move to Europe? Because I am a rarity — I am an obese German. Still healthy enough just taking part in a study, the were VERY promising for my health and made my GP weep — who is going to pay for his new knees now? But then I am not the core demographic you describe there anyway — far too old, nearing my fifties. It is kind of strange this obsession with white teeth. They pop up everywhere most notably in tv series and look so damn artifical.

Makes me pretty convinced you American all have dentures instead of the real McCoy. Or you are just mad. Not only yellow teeth but women have to be skinny. No thunder thighs for this guy. God forbid his wife gain weight, or get yellow teeth…. My american husband and I obviously share the same sense of humour …. And the fan will stay in the living room — or I will! And thank you for writing! My Romanian wife put chamomile tea in my fucking eye!

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